previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
And as you get around the corner to the town square, you see the ground starting to heave
up.
Coming up from it are monstrous centipedes.
Things are about to get moist.
The second one that you hit kind of turns to you and looks with its beady eyes as
you strike into its face, and it explodes back and out towards some running people.
They're covered in centipede goo.
Sorry about that!
And head back out into the streets, you begin to feel a rumble.
Well, I can't, that can't be good.
As you see a giant centipede.
So we're talking like a dune level sandworm.
It screams and looks down towards you.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
We're, uh...
D&D 5th Edition Actual Play Podcast.
That's what we are.
I'm your dungeon master, Russ More, and with me today is Amy More.
How on earth he even gets up in the morning and accomplishes anything without me is a
miracle.
If I don't write it down, it doesn't happen.
I'm very tired.
I don't understand why.
I play Thea Amastasia, a high elf druid.
And also with me, because we've talked a little bit and kind of lost the flow,
Tom Laird.
Hey, that's me.
I play Flint Firebeard.
He is a champion fighter.
He's a dwarf as well.
Side note.
Welcome to another Carla Free episode.
Amy's out of wine.
We've got a problem.
Amy's out of wine.
I just ran out of wine.
We got a problem.
Carla's not here and Amy is out of wine.
Only one of those is a real big problem.
I'll let you folks decide which one it is.
Totally up to you.
You know what?
Maybe we'll post a poll over on Patreon where we sometimes do that.
Which is the bigger travesty.
You know Carla in the episode today or Amy has nothing else to drink.
Amy out of wine with like skulls and exes.
It's up to you.
Only you can decide.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
And when you're over there and you are a patron, you can get an episode dedicated
to you.
Like today's patron, Jacob Madden.
Jacob Madden.
You have a bitchin' name.
Thanks, Jacob.
Thank you, Jacob.
You rock.
And now, fuck it, let's play D&D.
Jumping right back into the action.
Roll for initiative.
Screaming in our faces.
D is non-plus and screams back something like,
I've taken shits bigger than you.
Thirteen for a minute.
Nineteen.
It's all the shit talk.
Yeah.
She's really, really wanted to kind of come back.
Okay, so to repaint the picture because, you know, pictures rather than just screaming
in your face, people might not remember.
There you found yourself in a town called Fairhaven and they had a problem with some
centipedes to which you became exterminators and took some out.
But then, a monstrous, giant, huge, thirty foot high centipede came erupting from the
ground and is now screaming down upon you.
And it is Thea's turn.
I hate centipedes.
Did you forget what you were fighting?
Yes.
No.
And I cast Blight upon it.
So, the creature is now awash in necromantic energy.
Necromantic energy, that's what it says.
And it must make a constitution saving throw.
Bet its constitution is real shitty because it's a fucking insect.
Real shitty.
It still has to do that.
That's a twenty.
Yep, real shitty.
You're a bitch.
Wait, was that to Russ or the centipede?
Yes.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast, we got a poll.
Was it for Russ or was it for the centipede?
Is Russ a bitch?
Yes or yes.
There's only going to be one choice.
The two options, they're both the same.
Yes or hell yes.
Okay.
Fifty one.
So you'll take twenty five.
Yes.
Dommage.
Describe to me what your Blight looks like.
It comes out as like a, you know what Hexis looks like?
No.
In the infern gully.
All like sticky and bubbly and smoky but oil slicky at the same time.
And it makes like the weird like,
like was that just like a bubble that looked like a strange like ghost head?
It does that.
The centipede having it impact its exoskeleton and shrivel up some of its legs on its side quarter,
lets out a shriek as it's now Flint's turn.
Neat.
How far away from Flint is this bad boy?
Oh, it's big and it's like right there.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, it's coming at you.
Can I roll some sort of check to see if there's any like, if I can determine any maybe weak spots on this bad boy?
Mm hmm.
Maybe a nature.
I will roll a nature.
That is a twenty three.
You sense that its exoskeleton is very, very hard.
Even the joints of which it has between the individual plates seem very well fortified.
It has two beady eyes up high on its head and a gaping maw.
Okay, so it's got a couple soft parts but they're 30 feet up in the air.
Yeah.
Okay.
Or the butt.
Centipede butt.
Okay, well since the butt's on the other side of me, I'm going to go for throwing my dwarven thrower up in its general head region.
Okay.
Then maybe determining how well I roll will be what it hits.
That works for me.
First attack is a 16.
You throw your dwarven thrower and it goes up and glances off one of the plates nearest its face and begins falling back towards the ground.
Okay.
It has arrived back into my hands and I will throw it again.
This one is a 19.
That will hit.
Okay.
So that is 11, magic bludgeoning damage.
It impacts in its jaw.
You see it hit and buckle one of the plates below it, cracking it and splintering it.
Okay, I'm going to throw another one at that same area.
That is a 29.
Oh, hang on.
That is in fact a critical because I now have criticals on 18s as well.
Oh, Jesus.
Alright.
You are critically hit it.
Excellent.
So that is, ooh, the roll was not very great.
8 plus 6 so 14 to magic bludgeoning damage.
Your thrower goes up and with such force it cracks through and into the mouth of the centipede and centipede guts, goo, begin to fall down on top of you, make a dexterity saving throw.
Guts and goo.
Gross.
That is a 20 but it wasn't critical.
You dodge out of the way but as your hammer returns it too is covered in guts and goo so you still get guts and goo on you.
No.
Jokes on you.
I got guts and goo.
Got them guys.
Alright, podcast over.
Mission accomplished.
It is the centipede's turn and it goes to rears up and goes to dive down on top of flint with a big old bite.
That is going to be a 19.
Yeah, that'll hit.
Alrighty then.
When did Ace Ventura show up?
At the same time, it's tail stinger which you now see coming to view up and out of the ground swings towards Thea for a 24 to hit.
Miss.
Not true.
Doesn't get me.
Flint, you're going to take 22 piercing damage.
Oh dang.
And if the target is a large or smaller creature it must succeed on a dexterity saving throw.
So I'm going to take 19 and I need to do a deck save?
Yes.
That is a 11 but I am going to reroll a saving throw that I failed because I'm pretty sure I failed that one.
Maybe.
100% I did.
That is a 17.
That also fails.
I'm going to reroll one more time. I can do it three times.
It's an 18.
So close.
You are now swallowed by the centipede.
You are inside of the centipede.
Shit.
And the tail attack, let's come back to that now, you're going to take 19 piercing damage.
I forgot.
Poison.
You can take 19 piercing damage.
And it doesn't matter about the poison.
Should have ate you and stung him.
I'm still resistant to poison so it wouldn't have been too bad.
It is your turn and you take damage at the start of the worm's turn.
So it's your turn, Flint.
What?
Nope, Thea.
Thea's first.
He should have four turns.
Flint's usually first.
He did go first.
No he didn't.
I go first.
Okay, I'm going to cast Flaming Sphere.
You said that Flint doesn't get damaged.
You see Flint get eaten as you get pierced by this tail stinger.
So he is now inside, but you as a character don't know what you're doing.
I'm going to aim at the tail end of him.
Because I assume Flint hasn't had the time to go all the way down there.
Slow the digestive track.
Yeah, so I'm going to aim lower half.
Plus I just got by the tail so fuck him.
So my five foot diameter sphere I throw at the lower half of this giant turd creature.
And let's make a dexterity saving throw.
15.
Fine.
It doesn't save.
Okay.
Sorry, I saw your 17.
I thought you were going to say a higher number.
And then you said a lower number, but my response was already cocked.
I just went ahead with the confidence.
So since I am casting this at sixth level, it's actually going to be 5d6.
Fire damage.
10, 15, 16 fire damage.
It shrieks.
Yeah, it does.
I love the sound.
Some of the legs sizzle and shh like shh shrivel up.
What's that slurping noise tonight?
Like insects do when they're near fire.
I don't know.
Burned a lot of insects in your childhood, Russ.
No.
Are we uncovering something weird?
Is this a true crime podcast all of a sudden?
There were signs.
All right, Flint, you find yourself inside of a giant centipede.
It's not feeling good.
It's getting hotter by the minute.
You can do whatever you want, but you're, what did I say?
Restrained and blinded.
Now what does being restrained mean?
That's a good question.
Can he swing an axe?
Not that restrained, are you?
Your speed becomes zero.
Can't benefit from any bonus to speed.
Attack rolls against the creature have advantage.
That would be against you and the creature's attack rolls have disadvantage.
The creature has disadvantage on dexterity saving throws.
So you got disadvantage on attack rolls and saving throws.
Dex saving throws.
And you can't move.
I guess I'll stab it with my moist tongue longsword.
Sure.
Which I'm assuming is still all moisted and I don't need to moist it up again.
Wouldn't that be awful if you had to open your mouth to say something?
I mean, I assume so.
You didn't turn it off.
And you said with disadvantage, correct?
Yes.
OK, so the first one was an 18.
Second one is a 19, so 18 I guess.
18 will hit.
OK.
Now I'm going to add the damage correctly this time because I've taken away one of the d10s.
So I can't roll it.
OK, that is 21 damage.
You strike out into the esophagus of the centipede.
I assume they have esophagus.
I mean, I would think so.
And it definitely slices into.
OK.
Yeah, I'll try and do that again.
First one's a 25.
Second one's a 23.
25, 23, yeah, sure.
Yeah, OK, sure.
So that is 14 and 10, 24 damage that time.
You feel the blood begin to pour into and down around you from the wound that you're opening up.
You feel it begin to contract around where you are and attacking.
I would like to use my lightning breath because I haven't done that for a long time.
Is that a roll or does it just happen?
It's a saving throw, but I don't think this worm can get out of your way.
I mean, it's literally coming from inside the house.
The call's coming from inside the house in this situation.
Get out of the house.
OK.
That is 16 lightning damage.
And you begin to.
You tell me what it looks like inside of here.
Nobody can see, but what does it look like?
It's very, very bright inside of this for Flint.
Maybe on the outside like the you can see it like a little flash of light in there.
Wherever it has been pierced, it's just.
It's just a little break of light.
But yeah, it's very, very bright for Flint doing this lightning breath in this centipede.
So much so that it even cauterizes some of the wound that you opened up.
That's blood trickling down on top of you.
Because it took some damage above us above 30.
It must make a Constitution saving throw to see if it can remain swallowed.
You can remain.
Oh, he doesn't barf you back up.
Yeah, that is 18, which does not succeed.
So you get you feel its throat constrict around you and push you forward
and throw you out.
And you are 30 feet in the air, my friend.
Awesome.
So we're going to get some fall damage here.
That is fair.
Less awesome.
I have to remember how fall damage works.
I think he's going to take five.
I think it's per every 10 feet.
It's some sort of D, maybe eight, maybe 10.
Six bludgeoning for every 10 feet.
It fell.
So say 3d6.
That's six.
Ten.
Thirteen bludgeoning damage as you fall and crash to the ground.
Do I submit or do I subtract three for my heavy armor mastery because of that?
If it counts for bludgeoning, then yeah.
I mean, it says bludgeoning, piercing and slashing non-magic damage.
So that's just straight bludgeoning.
Yeah.
OK, fair enough.
I will take fell on the ground.
You know how armor works.
So you turned right to the side and only threw out half of your back.
Right.
Little action roll in there as I fall.
Yeah.
It is now the centipede's turn.
And it doesn't like that you did that.
And it's going to try and bite you.
It's going to try and bite you again.
And being that you are not prone, it gets advantage.
So that is 27.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cool.
So we're going to take 22 piercing damage and then another dexterity saving throw.
Oh man.
It's going to barf you up and eat you again.
All right.
I've taken my 19 piercing damage.
God, always 19.
That is a 14.
I don't think that's going to do it.
No.
Good.
Back in I go.
It throws you.
And you can tell that it looks like real upset that you made it throw you up and
now it comes down to eat you again and chomps once and then swallows you whole.
It swings its tail stinger at you.
That's a natural 20.
Are you sure it's at me?
He's in its stomach.
Well, I mean, he could have swung it at his own stomach.
How smart is it really?
So that's going to be 38 piercing damage.
Are you sure?
Christ, I'm taking more damage now than I did during the rise of Tiamat.
Well, I mean, what is Tiamat if not just a fucking five headed centipede?
Right.
Yeah.
No, it's kind of funny that that's how that's working out.
It is your turn, Thea.
You see that while you feel the tail stinger pierce into you and it pulls back
and goes to land on a house and you see people through a window.
It's like up in the air and you see.
Oh, God.
I there's no way I'm going to get to it in time.
I scream to them, get out.
And I I use a bonus action to slow.
Oh, no.
This centipede didn't move.
And since it didn't move, has to make a dexterity saving throw.
Seven.
Nope.
So it's going to take five D six again.
So that's five, eleven, twelve fire damage.
Then I'm going to I'm just trying to distract it at this point.
Maybe like get it to move its tail.
I don't know.
I'm going to with a bonus action.
I'm going to slam the sphere like I'm going to drop back and slam it into it
for another.
You have to make the saving throw again.
Nine.
Nope. Not good enough.
Another five D six.
So that's ten, eighteen, twenty one damage fire damage.
Amy.
Here I go. Here I go.
And now for my real Z's turn, I'm going to cast toll of the dead
and I point to it and the sound of dollars bells.
Fill the air around it and it must succeed on a wisdom saving throw.
Have you casted this before?
Is this new?
No, I've casted before.
Really when?
Yeah.
I can't remember, but I have.
Okay.
Episode sixty two.
Yeah.
I was going to say, Holy shit.
Wow.
Like that is pulled from the ether.
Sorry.
What am I doing?
Wisdom saving throw.
How smart is this thing?
Seven.
Yep.
That's not going to work.
And so it's going to take three D twelve necrotic damage.
A nine and a five is fourteen plus one is a fifteen.
Fifteen necrotic damage.
I mean, it wouldn't be an Amy attack if there wasn't a one in there somewhere.
Right.
With the force of the fireball and then these bells ringing around,
what I assume centipedes have ears.
Or the vibration of the bell would probably freak it out.
The whole nervous system.
It begins to shake.
Flint, you feel this vibration run through and begin to spasm all the muscles.
The tail swings wide of the house because it's blasted into you.
I do a whew.
The people inside hear your scream for getting the fuck out and they do so.
They run out.
And then it's, is that what you're doing?
Yeah, it seemed like a lot for me.
It was.
No, it was really good.
It was really good.
I just wasn't sure if there was anything else.
No, it didn't.
Welcome to the middle.
We're here now.
And so are you.
This is the place where we tell you how awesome you are.
You're awesome.
You're so awesome.
You're really awesome.
Let's begin.
You look great today.
The new thing you're doing.
The hair is amazing.
It really works.
And I love it.
And more importantly than that, you're a good person.
That's the most important part.
Beautiful on the inside and the outside.
100%.
Well, middle over.
Well, hold on.
We just told them how much we love them and how great they are.
Oh, right.
Could we maybe share some of the great things that they've said about us?
Yes, because so many people have said so many nice things about us.
And part of being a podcast, if you've heard any podcasts, is asking for ratings and reviews,
which we do not do very often, mostly because it's annoying if you ask too often.
Yes, too often.
Please.
How desperate are we?
Real desperate.
I mean, pretty desperate.
Pretend to be not desperate.
So that's what we're doing today is we're being desperate by asking you to give us
ratings and reviews.
I don't know if this is going well anymore, but we're doing it.
And we're going to read you some reviews and that people have given us.
Yeah, I got one.
I got one from Christopher Grawock.
Did I say that right?
Grawock.
Grawrock.
This is from Facebook.
And Christopher says, first off, five stars.
Now on to the review.
So I came upon this lovely podcast, much like how Thea came upon that poison chest.
So completely by accident.
And you somehow hurt all your friends when you found us.
Terrifying.
The first few episodes hurt because of the audio.
But I was so caught up with the story that it didn't matter.
I grew attached to Thea Flynn and Eulara, also Grancis and Flamekins.
Oh, boy.
You guys do phenomenal work.
I listen to you guys at work.
And a lot of times I have to bite my tongue to be quiet for the sake of me
not looking like a loony talking to you at work.
You guys are awesome.
I'm saddened to see this adventure come to an end, but very excited for the next.
You guys are awesome.
Ya doinks.
Pretty sure this was left at the end of season one.
Hence this adventure.
But the adventure continues on.
Christopher, if you're listening and you have listened to the new adventure,
let us know what you think.
Absolutely.
Live up to your expectations.
I was going to say something.
Was it important?
Obviously not.
It's gone now.
This is from I Hate Hipsters on Apple Podcasts.
Great actual play podcast.
All the best parts of sitting around playing with your friends
without all the bathroom breaks.
Because Russ edits those out.
Side note.
Russ, Amy, Carla, and Tom have great chemistry
and the fun they are having is obviously genuine.
The show has inspired me to find a group
and start playing again after a 20 plus year break.
Seriously.
Give it a listen.
Do it.
Seriously.
Come on, guys.
After a 20 plus year break?
That's fantastic.
That's like getting someone to eat cheese again.
That is what that's exactly like.
Everybody just gave Amy a look.
It was a look.
Because in my head it made sense.
Cheese is fantastic.
And if you took a 20 year break and then had cheese.
Shut up, Tom.
Please follow me here.
So you like cheese.
But then you took a huge hiatus because you read a book about
how cheese is bad for you or something.
But it was completely bogus.
And then 20 years later you had brie or something like that.
This is requiring way too many logical leaps.
I know.
There's so many.
It would just be fantastic.
Why did you take the break in the first place?
Because I don't know.
It's too complicated.
Let's just say like, yeah, Amy.
Yeah, Amy.
Yeah, totally.
It's like eating cheese thing that you were talking about.
Tom, you got another review for us?
Thank you.
Yep.
Yeah, I have another one from Apple Podcast.
This one's from LLTMSFanboy417.
It's called Lovely Five Stars.
I'm finally caught up.
So now I'm impatient to hear what's next.
80 episodes in a month is just not enough of these lovelies.
I get my fill with D&D, dick jokes, and darlings in one pod.
Thank you.
Well, thank you.
That's a great review.
That is too many episodes in one month, but I love you.
I remember listening or reading that review when it first popped up.
And I was like, D&D, dick jokes and darlings.
New podcast name.
We're not rebranding and we're not starting another podcast.
Hard rebrand.
Let's do it.
So with that, thank you for all those lovely reviews.
We will try to read some more soon, sooner than later, because we just want to thank
you very much for them.
If you have not left us a review, we would encourage you and appreciate it.
If you could leave us a rating and review, Apple Podcast is the big one.
But you can also leave them on Stitcher or on Facebook or anywhere and we will
find them.
And that's what matters.
Not necessarily if that helps anything.
Like any rating and review helps is really what it is.
Just gets us out in front of some more people.
So links are down in the description as to all the places that you can review.
And we would like you to do that.
So thank you very much.
OK, bye.
Thanks so much.
Bye.
Welcome to Facing Fate, an anthological audio fiction actual play podcast.
What does that mean outside of being amazing alliteration?
Well, it means when you subscribe to Facing Fate, you will find two 10 episode
seasons every year starting January 2020 in the Facing Fate feed.
Each season will take you through a different setting, different genre and
different characters going through thrilling, exhilarating and maybe
hilarious collaborative stories.
I'm your game master Russ More.
And along with my friends, Amy More, Carla Maxted and Tom Laird, we
will bring you along on a shared journey together.
Season one of Facing Fate titled Lunacorp begins January 2020.
Lunacorp is a sci-fi thriller placing you among the crew of a near future
moon base mining for an alternate energy source.
But the decisions and hasty thinking of mankind in this time place the
crew and the world in danger.
Subscribe to Facing Fate in your favorite podcast app to hear sneak
peeks, world archives and more leading up to January 2020.
Or visit FacingFate.com to find our social feeds and more about us.
Patrons of Dumb Dragons Productions have early access to weekly
releases of season one now.
Join the crew of Lunacorp main base at Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon cast.
Facing Fate, a Dumb Dragons production.
And then it's back to Flint.
You are now inside again.
OK.
Still inside.
You are still again inside.
Still inside.
All right.
I guess I will go back to attempting to attack this thing.
All right.
First roll is a 27.
Second one is a 24.
Yep.
OK.
So that is five plus eight plus ten.
So 18 damage that time.
Brighten it down this time.
All right.
Second attack.
First one is an 18.
Second one is a 24.
What's the lowest that you can roll?
An 11 would be a crit fail.
OK.
I mean, the first one was an eight.
It wasn't anything crazy.
I'm just trying to figure out if you can actually miss this thing.
But yeah, you can.
OK.
I mean, Flint's a beefy boy.
So that is 28 damage on that one.
OK.
You begin to feel that the good old feels of just that warm.
Regurgitation.
Yeah.
That being said, if I feel this starting to happen, I'm going to roll my next attack.
First one was a 27.
Second one is a 15.
15 does not hit.
Oh, does not hit.
All right.
Does not hit.
That's surprising for inside.
I had some fun planned if I was going to be regurgitated up.
Boiled again by the numbers.
It's math game.
Fucking math.
OK.
It must make a constitution saving throw, which it succeeds.
23.
So you stay in there.
And do I take damage?
On its turn, which is right now.
So yes.
Yes.
You are going to take as you feel the blood in these stomach acids pouring over you.
You are going to take 21 acid damage.
You're tripping balls right now.
Well, I don't have a resist for that.
You do not.
All right.
Don't have that stomach acid resist.
Seems like 21 has been this things like M.O.
I thought 19 has been.
I've taken a couple of 19s.
Oh, I have had 19s.
That's right.
OK.
Twenty one.
Twenty two.
All right.
And so you begin to feel yourself move further down into the worm.
You think breathing would be a problem here.
Let's say.
But it happened so fast.
We don't pay anything for us.
And there are air bubbles.
We don't pay anything.
Fair enough.
We don't pay anything.
That's right.
You're really just a pretty face here.
You're not in like the large, you know, small intestine yet.
Large, small intestine.
I mean, really, if you want to get all nitty gritty with it, think about the magic school bus.
I often do.
How did they survive in the stomach?
They had magic.
Flint doesn't have magic.
No.
Anyways.
This is a giant centipede for Christ's sake.
Centipede swings its tail towards the.
And I jump?
No, I don't think you're going to jump on this one.
That's 18 plus 9 is 27.
Yeah, but just barely.
Yeah.
So you're going to take.
Nineteen?
Nineteen piercing damage.
And then it's going to turn and move, like just jump up into the air trying to bite you.
What?
How many turns does it have?
It's two.
Probably just the two.
But it always was biting me and then tailing you, so.
Right.
Eighteen to hit.
Well, mm-hmm.
It's 22 piercing damage.
Holy fuck.
How you doing there, Amy?
Oh, I've got 11 hit points left.
I'm just peachy.
Maybe it's time to like wild shape into something.
Maybe a dexterity saving throw first.
Oh, right.
Do that.
Yeah.
Because he's chompa chompa chompa.
Yeah, because he doesn't necessarily swallow you up.
Oh, right.
I forgot about the swallow.
So dexterity saving throw you say.
How about a 15?
Wait, wait.
I'm going to use a lucky point.
And I'm going to roll it again.
Nat 20.
Oh.
Then that succeeds.
I can put my book there.
Put that book away, Russ.
Hey, little book worm.
Get out of here.
And it is your turn as the worm begins to burrow back into the ground.
Oh, fuck no.
You're going to get taped away.
So it burrows 30 feet into the ground.
I said it was 30 feet.
So you see its tails kind of sticking out of the ground as it's going.
I run over.
And since its tails still sticking out of the ground, it's still in my fireball zone because it didn't go anywhere.
It did go.
It went up and down and in.
Fireball was not on top of you.
If it didn't move more than five feet away from the fireball that was centered on it before.
Yes.
Really?
It's now all underground.
You said the tail was sticking out.
It's as much because it's a 30 foot thing and it went 30 feet into the ground.
I love how he's not giving an inch.
I'm at 11 hit points, folks.
Hit me with your fire.
No, it's fine.
I will move the fireball, though, because since it's so big, that's a hole I can shove a fireball up its ass.
So I'm going to do that.
So make a make yourself.
What is it?
A constitution saving throw?
I mean, probably a dexterity saving throw.
It's a dex.
For Keyster.
Wow.
That's a zero.
Oh, no, that's a minus one.
Okay.
I don't know how I feel about that.
Well, I feel pretty good.
So the flaming fear.
Flaming fear.
Folks.
That's great.
5d6.
Oh, shit.
10 16 23 fire damage.
That's a bonus action, by the way.
And then, well, frankly, I'm going to heal.
Yeah.
I'm going to choose myself in a surge of positive energy washes through me, causing me to regain 70 hit points.
Oh, dang.
Flint's turn.
All right.
I guess I'm going to go back to attempting to cut this thing from the inside.
Do it.
First one is 25.
Second one is an 18.
That will hit.
You from inside also like begin to hear and feel like rock and stone coming down towards you.
Okay.
That is 8 and 2 is 10 and another 10 is 20 damage that time.
All right.
22 and a 24.
Yes, sir.
All right.
11 13 and 10 is 23 damage.
So tell me how you escape from this this dead giant centipede.
I guess Flint like Superman poses with his sword up in the air and tries to go through the back.
Yeah.
You hear the stones coming out from the entrance and you make a quick exit.
Yeah, I like it.
Thea, you see Flint fly up with his sword through the buttocks.
Hey.
Classy.
I mean, you know, it's tricky down there.
Thea pats her pockets and comes out with like what seems like a very insufficient hankie for the amount of goo that is covering Flint right now.
You.
You didn't want this back, did you?
Because.
Nah, nah, man.
All right.
Yeah, it's yours.
It's good.
Flint just starts wiping off his face.
What's what was it like inside that giant gross monster?
Well, yeah, you just you just really hit the nail on the head there with that last word you used.
It was very gross.
Oh, monster was the last word I used.
But oh, well, I mean, the last adjective you used.
Oh, fair enough.
Yeah.
Wow.
All that reading you've been doing on this trip back is really.
Well, I mean, there's not much else to do, right?
Like, good God.
I just want to say I'm really proud of you.
Well, thank you.
I appreciate that.
Kind of look around and survey the destruction of the town and like, well.
So what what now?
Um, I look back toward the cart.
Is that dude still passed out in there?
Donnie's just kind of like gently caressing his face.
By the way, Flint got like one little section of his face cleared off before that handkerchief became unusable.
That you would have done the beard first.
Yeah, you think so.
But I wanted to get around the eyes or the mouth.
Well, that too.
But, um, well, we should probably return or return this guy before Donnie makes him a pet.
But maybe we can keep them.
You can't keep a human.
You keep animals.
That's for some reason different, which seems less like I have a like to stand on because you can talk.
I mean, I'm pretty sure my intelligence is higher than this guy's.
But, you know, whatever.
You know what?
I think he's been through enough today.
How about we find you a real nice, like, real nice gnome?
Uh huh.
Something on the travel.
Good way.
Well, you can carry him around.
Uh huh.
Like Newlar carried you.
Oh.
Yeah, remember when you were all tiny?
Yeah.
Okay.
Cool.
Yeah, when I was tiny.
So never mind.
It's all good.
No, say it.
Well, it's just if I can't have a human, how come I can have a gnome?
You can't have this human.
So smaller means more significant or insignificant?
No, but it's just easier for you to carry around.
I kind of like turned away from Donnie and just kind of mumbled into Flint's ear like I wasn't ready to parent him.
He's always asking questions I can't answer.
It's those teenagers.
You know what?
I'm just trying to understand the hierarchy of you bipedal creatures.
It's completely arbitrary.
Oh, there isn't one.
Totally arbitrary.
Arbitrary.
Cool.
Yeah.
You know what?
We will consider you more of an equal next time you chip in in a fight.
I was babysitting the pet.
I mean, the person who got taken out and tried not to.
Well, what about during the first encounter with the other centipedes though?
You guys seemed like you had it under control.
I mean, you were just like whirlwind in your stuff, throwing things and like jumping.
And I was like, this is really cool.
Yeah.
I mean, you're not wrong.
It was pretty cool.
But I mean, come on.
Like at some point we're going to have to have a talk about your attitude, mister.
And how awesome it is.
You got it.
Um, like slowly pull the dude off of the cart and maybe prop him up, sitting up like against a tree.
Check his vitals.
Make sure he's breathing.
Yeah, he's breathing.
Okay.
I write him a note.
Sorry, you got slimed.
Welcome back to Fairhaven.
Now centipede free.
Might want to call an exterminator.
And I just like pin it to his lapel.
Still passed out.
Oh, well, yeah.
No, he'll get that later.
He'll read it later.
Definitely.
Yeah.
You climb back in.
You maybe have a towel in the back or Flint changes or whatever.
You know, leave that up to you and head back out on the road.
He goes back on his naked way.
He's like, listen, now it's for necessity.
Yeah.
I'm like, don't you have a change of clothes?
No, no, not this time.
No, I could have sworn in your pad.
No, no, I'm pretty sure I don't.
Okay.
All right.
I think we'll kind of just fade off on that.
We're riding off into a sunset.
The ass sitting with the reins.
Flint just butt ass naked beside him.
You're gonna get splinters in your ass.
And then like it goes out with like the do, do, do, do, do.
The songs Nowhere Land, In Fatos, and The Machine Thinks are by Kavin McLeod of Incompetech.Filmmusic.io.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers, Gabriel Lynch, Ryan Cushman, Joshua Dixon, Devin Michaels, Cat Waterflame, and Jacob Madden.
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So Tom's got like seven more attacks.
I'm just going to go run and grab a drink.
Okay.
Don't kill it without me just kidding.
You can kill it.
And you probably will.
Oh, you've switched to beer or is that cider?
No, I've switched to beer.
Excellent.
I don't have any more wine left.
Wine before beer.
You're in the clear.
That's what they say.
Right.
Is that what it is?
And beer before wine.
You'll feel fine.
I don't see that.
There's no problem here.
Anyway.
You know, some druids, they wild shape.
Not this one.
Healing.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a dumb dragons production.